i went out last night with some 'girl friends' i thought to say goodbye as it were but think maybe it was just to check
i know i am ready and all that but there is a piece of eternal hope in me that just wanted to be sure
i went to a gathering with a bunch of people
it was lovely sort of
i just wasn't all there
i just could not get all the way into my body to experience it
i drank and ended up getting sick on the way home
i realized how long it had been since i had eaten much of anything and how my body was just rejecting the alcohol like i could not even have the comfort of a buzz anymore
there is no comfort anywhere
ds if you really have a way
a way out that is not going to hurt please come and bring it i sent you the information
lt, x, soco i sent it to you too
i don't care who comes and who doesn't this is not a game to me
lt you may all be words maybe i made you all up
maybe my computer is not even plugged in right now
but if you are all words then so am i and if that is the case then even words can feel the deepest pain of despair and deserve a way out
even words deserve comfort
these words are running out of ways to come together
these letters are finding it hard to find their matches and mates
the threads that weave the fabric of me are unraveling faster than i can knit them back together
i am going to go now
i really don't have anything to say except dwarfstar if you are here please help me
i am willing to extend this one last act of faith
that you can help me
that this last call will not be at a dirty bar counter feeling cheap and torrid
instead it will be something beautiful and honor all that was or could have been that was not darkness
something that will guide us towards the light
taken a moment to honor the light in ourselves and each other
i am not afraid right now
how can you be afraid when your dead on the inside
i will check the board tomorrow one more time then i am going to turn off my computer
and that will be that dear friends
that will be that
good night
~for all that there was
all that will be
all that is
blessings
for someone i could have been
someone i should have been
the me that almost was
from the me that is
the me that will be no more~
i know i am ready and all that but there is a piece of eternal hope in me that just wanted to be sure
i went to a gathering with a bunch of people
it was lovely sort of
i just wasn't all there
i just could not get all the way into my body to experience it
i drank and ended up getting sick on the way home
i realized how long it had been since i had eaten much of anything and how my body was just rejecting the alcohol like i could not even have the comfort of a buzz anymore
there is no comfort anywhere
ds if you really have a way
a way out that is not going to hurt please come and bring it i sent you the information
lt, x, soco i sent it to you too
i don't care who comes and who doesn't this is not a game to me
lt you may all be words maybe i made you all up
maybe my computer is not even plugged in right now
but if you are all words then so am i and if that is the case then even words can feel the deepest pain of despair and deserve a way out
even words deserve comfort
these words are running out of ways to come together
these letters are finding it hard to find their matches and mates
the threads that weave the fabric of me are unraveling faster than i can knit them back together
i am going to go now
i really don't have anything to say except dwarfstar if you are here please help me
i am willing to extend this one last act of faith
that you can help me
that this last call will not be at a dirty bar counter feeling cheap and torrid
instead it will be something beautiful and honor all that was or could have been that was not darkness
something that will guide us towards the light
taken a moment to honor the light in ourselves and each other
i am not afraid right now
how can you be afraid when your dead on the inside
i will check the board tomorrow one more time then i am going to turn off my computer
and that will be that dear friends
that will be that
good night
~for all that there was
all that will be
all that is
blessings
for someone i could have been
someone i should have been
the me that almost was
from the me that is
the me that will be no more~
